Seeing Double by Briar Lane

Author:Briar Lane [Lane, Briar]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: romance
Published: 2018-03-28T23:00:00+00:00

14

EMILY

I really was about to head to bed. I had no intention of eavesdropping on Anna and Jess’ conversation, curious as I may have been about what Jess thought of me.

I just wanted a glass of water. I always get thirsty when I’ve been drinking and I was going to run to the kitchen, get myself a glass, and head back to Anna’s bedroom.

But when I came down the hallway and heard the conversation I was walking in on, I knew I couldn’t walk through the living room to the kitchen. I would only make things more intensely awkward.

As soon as I heard ‘are you gay?’ I told myself to walk back to the bedroom. Walk back and avoid this whole conversation, it’s not for your ears.

But I didn’t have the willpower to do that. I ended up listening to the whole thing. It wasn’t until Jess actually stormed out that I tiptoed back to the bedroom and got back into bed.

I felt sick to my stomach after listening to them talk. Partly because I felt guilty, I definitely wasn’t supposed to hear any of that and it was shitty of me to stay and listen.

But more than that, I felt sick because for weeks now, I had been trying so hard to deny feelings that I now felt were undeniable.

I did like Anna. I knew I did. I tried to fight it. I had myself nearly convinced that we were just really good friends; that I’ve just never had a best friend before and didn’t know what that was like.

But really, I knew what I felt. Because I knew what I wanted in a relationship. It was something I’d been thinking about over and over while I was attempting to date. And everything I had in my friendship with Anna—everything I felt with her—was what I wanted in a romantic relationship.

Still, I told myself that was simply because relationships and close friendships are so similar. And they were, really. You just need the physical attraction to have a relationship. And I wasn’t attracted to Anna…

I repeated it over and over in my head. I wasn’t attracted to Anna. I didn’t like women in general! I never have before.

But every time I told it to myself, I knew it was a lie. I was attracted to her. Oh, how I was attracted to her… Sometimes while we were sleeping, she would nuzzle up to me while she was too sleepy to realize what she was doing. And those moments where she’d accidentally curl up in my arm… They were electric.

I felt so much just from brief touches with her, and I found myself craving more all the time. But I stuffed it down. Because I knew Anna did not feel the same and I didn’t want to make things awkward for her in any way.

I couldn’t stuff it down anymore, though. Because even Jess could see it. This wasn’t just a friendship, there was something more there. At least, there was for me.

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